Proust Questionaire: D'urban Moffer

D'urban Moffer is the producer of alt-write, a costumed performer, writer of American Kashayas…the book is a collection of poetic shrapnel fragments about the American psyche

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

A mean temperature of 80 degrees F, a Swiss Family Robinson tree house and a legion of Latinx warriors.

2. What is your greatest fear?

Boredom.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

My big fat yap's propensity to flap.


4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

See answer to previous question.


5. Which living person do you most admire?

I try not to, but it's probably someone none of you would know from my secret lives.


6. What is your greatest extravagance?

Costumery, media and Home Shopping Network.


7. What is your current state of mind?

I'll answer this with movie references: Blair Witch, Willy Wonka and Brazil.


8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Piety.

9. On what occasion do you lie?

When I'm on the internet.


10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?

I cannot mold it, no matter how I try, to mold it like Silly Putty.


11. Which living person do you most despise?

Currently, that would be The Chairman and all that he stands for.


12. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Rationality.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

See answer to previous question.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Y'know? Whatever, maaannnn...


15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

They number six. Four are human, two are not.

16. When and where were you happiest?

Here- now.


17. Which talent would you most like to have?

An eidetic memory. Also, a business acumen.


18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My desire to be ever-changing.


19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Myself.


20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

Scatophaga stercoraria

21. Where would you most like to live?

Belize.

22. What is your most treasured possession?

My betrothed.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Abject desperation.

24. What is your favorite occupation?

Mortician.


25. What is your most marked characteristic?

My hypnoidal eye.


26. What do you most value in your friends?

Rationality and loyalty. Failing that, a willingness to sexualize any situation.


27. Who are your favorite writers?

Kale Darnegie
Burma Bombspeck
Daniel Cravey

28. Who is your hero of fiction?

Either Jiminy Carter or Out-In-The-Shed.


29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkle Emmanuel Ambroise Diggs


30. Who are your heroes in real life?

Anyone who has no fucks to give but a heart of gold.


31. What are your favorite names?

Dirty ones in foreign languages. Or pharmaceutical ones.

32. What is it that you most dislike?

Social manipulation and/or interpersonal treachery.

33. What is your greatest regret?

Hurting anyone I've ever loved.


34. How would you like to die?

Lightning strike or anvil falling from the sky.


35. What is your motto?

Currently: 'Live like Human Resources is watching.'