Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Hello Satan By F. Zablah

Habib bin Habib al Fulan walked into the apartment and found the Devil sitting on the sofa. He was red, naked, and watching television. Habib was not scared because Satan was his roommate.
-Hi Satan, Habib said, sitting down next to him.
-What's up my man?
-Same ol, you know.
-I know son.
A commercial came on for Zooey Deschanel's new sitcom on Fox called New Girl.
-Oh, cool beans, said Habib. It's the new Zoeey Deschanel show. Let's watch it.
-I'm not watching that shit. It looks gay.
-Oh come on Satan!
-Don't come on Satan me, dude. I ain't watching that. I pay half the cable around here. When you pay all of the cable, then you can watch whatever you want.
-Whatever man, Habib said, standing up and going into the guest room where he was staying.
Habib locked the door and turned on his computer. He pulled up a Word Doc and started writing. After about a half hour of continuous typing, he got up, opened the door and headed for the restroom but the Devil beat him to it.
-Oh come on!
-Sorry man, need to do a #2 bad!
As soon as the Devil closed the door, fart noises started coming out of the restroom. Habib lowered his head and turned to go back to his room when he heard a knock at the door. It was Satan's girlfriend, Candice Shwanepoel, the Victoria's Secret model.
-Hi Habib
-Hi Candice.
-Is Satan in? He's expecting me.
-Yes, let me get him, said Habib as the toilet flushed in the background
-Here I am, said Satan, coming out of the restroom and waving a newspaper
He went up to her and he popped kissed her in the lips, he pulled her gently to him and towards his bedroom which was opposite Habib's on the same hall.
-See you later Habib, Satan said as him and Candice entered his bedroom.
Habib finally got to use the bathroom and it smelled like a dead rat had been barbecued on the stool. After that, he went to the kitchen to drink a glass of water. He then returned to his bedroom and closed the door. He started writing but then after about five minutes, he started hearing Candice's moaning coming from the Satan's room. Then he heard Satan's moaning, and and a bed squeaking. Habib tried to write, but the sex noise was too distracting.
Finally, he decided to lay in bed, and put on his headphones but then his Ipod stopped working. He looked for his charger, but then remembered that Satan had borrowed it and had it in his room. When the sex began to reach a fever pitch Habib put the pillow over his head, and tried to go to sleep, but it was impossible.
-Fuck my life, he said, as he put the pillow over his head.

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