Billy Joel, a Love Story @ The Times of Israel Blog

 

My most recent short story, 'Billy Joel', a Love Story, can be read HERE

Elizabeth Aldridge Reads The Last Club on Earth on her podcast: Erisidal Tendencies

                               CLICK HERE

IF YOU WANT TO READ ALONG WITH ELIZABETH, THE STORY IS HERE: 

THE LAST CLUB ON EARTH

WESTON, FLORIDA (Circa 1996) @ HARSH

CLICK --- HERE

Liberty City: The comic.

Artist Brian Van Gold from Oakland and I got together to do a mini-horror comic based on one my short stories "Liberty City". If you're interested, you can PayPal me at shelleys_fragment@yahoo.com $7 (shipping and handling included in the USA). I also accept Vemeo and other options.

Proust Questionnaire: Dale Brett

Faceless in Nippon by Dale Brett to be published by Expat Press.

Ultra Violet Torus by Dale Brett (Chapbook to be published by SF)

Australian writer Dale Brett has been busy. He has two books coming out soon--Faceless in Nippon (Expat Press) and the chapbook Ultraviolet Torus (SELFFUCK). Mike Kleine called Faceless in Nippon, "perhaps the most sincere contemporary novel about banality, modernity and existential ennui to exist, this side of 202X." SELFFUCK has described Ultraviolet Torus as, "a seductive, uncarnate float-fall through a crystallography of love and death and language."

Dale's work can be found at Back Patio Press, Surfaces, and dreamcore among other places. You can follow him on Twitter: @_blackzodiac. Dale's answers are below:

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Sipping a vending machine beverage while overlooking the cross-section of an urban mall with zero responsibilities bearing down.

2. What is your greatest fear?

Dying in the ocean alone. I have had several nightmares about this where I awake, cheeks wet & hot with tears.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

My sickening validation-seeking ways.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Moral superiority.

5. Which living person do you most admire?

Kevin Shields. 

6. What is your greatest extravagance?

Every couple of years, I purchase a ridiculously expensive garment. I am pleased (?) to inform you I own a Stone Island top that cost me like a weekly wage.

7. What is your current state of mind?

Peaking on NEETness.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Responsibility.

9. On what occasion do you lie?

To avoid confrontation in the throes of addiction.

10.What do you most dislike about your appearance?

As a teen, my concave chest, but I’ve got over that. Possibly the way my eyes point downward and I constantly look exhausted because of it. 

11. Which living person do you most despise?

Fuck, these are great questions. Let’s let it all out. Russell Brand.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Idiosyncrasy.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Consideration.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Hyper-capitalist, or something, shitshow.

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

What: silent, empty warm spaces.

Who: my daughter.

16. When and where were you happiest?

In a past that I’ve never known.

17. Which talent would you most like to have?

Some pornstar skills to reach Nirvana.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I want to say my anxiety, but I think that all of its negatives have helped me become a better person/artist. So, I wouldn’t change that. Maybe the internal freak outs associated with it though.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

That I’m not dead.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

Probably an air conditioning unit in the Japanese summer. Providing a lone apartment dweller some well-deserved respite from the rays of the forceful sun.

21. Where would you most like to live?

A minimalist apartment with barely anything to clean or maintain.

22. What is your most treasured possession?

Quite an uncanny, ironic segue from my last answer. Probably the small Chinese dragon box which houses my gemstones, little snips of quotes that mean something to me and various drug paraphernalia.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Being oblivious to how shit things really are.

24. What is your favorite occupation?

Muji retail assistant.

25. What is your most marked characteristic?

Otaku level fan appreciation for things I believe deserve it.

26. What do you most value in your friends?

Their ability to score on a whim.

27. Who are your favorite writers?

Walter Benjamin, Fernando Pessoa, JG Ballard, William Gibson, German Sierra.

28. Who is your hero of fiction?

I don’t really think in terms of ‘heroes’ & ‘villains.’ Let’s go with Dr Vaughan from Crash.

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Would Baudelaire be considered a historical figure?

30. Who are your heroes in real life?

Anyone who can permeate my soul with light.

31. What are your favorite names?

Kotaro, Arisu, Yue, Jade, Joel.

32. What is it that you most dislike?

People that think they are intelligent because they follow populist politics. People who believe their ‘left’ or ‘right’ allegiance in politics is earth-shattering. Those sucky, smug political union reps at college/university.

33. What is your greatest regret?

Not producing any art while I was untethered & single.

34. How would you like to die?

How the dude in Enter the Void dies.

35. What is your motto?

Try as best you can not to let responsibility get in the way of a relaxing time without devolving into an absolute asshole.

What is Rarity of the Century About?

Proust Questionnaire: Ryan Madej

Ryan Madej is a self described, "writer of non-traditional narratives," that hails from Edmonton, Canada. And from what I've noticed, a great devotee of Borges. How did we meet? Just like how I meet a lot of writers these days--Twitter and via Expat Press. His short story, Night Index was posted in December of last year. His most recent book, The Threshold and the Key, was published by voidfrontpress. He has a forthcoming novel with the exquisite title of The Marble Corridor.


1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Waking up in the morning after a gentle rain, smelling the freshness and sitting down with a tea or coffee and just being. No distractions or expectations. A book on lap would make it even better.

2. What is your greatest fear?

That my son is going to grow up in a world of utter strangeness and upheaval. A place that has totally lost any sense of human decency, affection and intelligence.


3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Anger. It’s a trait that has caused me a lot of grief and regret in the past, and because of this I’ve had to work doubly hard to not let it overcome me. It’s not worth it hanging on to anger, it sickens the body and mind.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Wilful ignorance. In an age where we have such an abundance of information and the ability to communicate ideas it seems we often squander what we’ve been given.

5. Which living person do you most admire?

I’ve thought about this one hard and I can’t think of one at the moment. Plenty of dead people I admire however.

6. What is your greatest extravagance?

Without question it’s books...and music. My backlog of books has gotten to a point where I believe that they will attack me in my sleep, but I’m slowly making progress.

7. What is your current state of mind?

A combination of low key anxiety mixed liberally with dreams of self realization. Considering the circumstances I’m holding up pretty well, but to be honest I’ve been through much darker times on a personal level.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Chastity. One should spread love or lust as much as they can. I mean, we’re all here because people decided to not be chaste. More love and lust.

9. On what occasion do you lie?

Like a child when I know I’m going to be in huge trouble, or the prospect for huge trouble is on the horizon.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?

It used to be the scars on my neck that I got when I was 12. I was almost decapitated in an ATV accident. In reality it has always been my hair which was for many years unmanageable, and now it’s just thin lol.

11. Which living person do you most despise?

I can’t think of just one, but I often think most politicians. I’m tired of having my hopes and the hopes of others dashed and then have them dashed again.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Vulnerability. When you see a man at his most open, you see him for who he really is.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Patience.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

“That’s dope!” or “This reminds me of something from the Simpsons” and “fuuuuuuuuuccck” lol

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Some secrets are best left secrets. Keeps the mystery alive.

16. When and where were you happiest?

Probably between the ages of 19-22. It’s the freewheeling time of young adulthood where everything tastes better and the future looks bright. It was a time of great exploration and openness where it was just pure living and no expectations.

17. Which talent would you most like to have?

The ability to slam dunk like Michael Jordan, Dr. J and Vince Carter.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

To be less emotional and more grounded, but I think I’m working toward that on a daily basis.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Finally getting one of my books published, but very soon it will be getting a university diploma.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

I think it would be as some sort of jungle cat, whether it be tiger, cheetah or jaguar. A creature entirely motivated by instinct.

21. Where would you most like to live?

My thoughts always lean toward somewhere in Europe, but in all honesty being by the ocean, a lake or any body of water would suit me just fine. Trees, birds, fresh air are the balm for the soul.

22. What is your most treasured possession?

My son. The purest joy comes from my time with him. Jokes, wrestling, watching movies, goofing around. There is nothing better.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Something close to what we’re all experiencing now: a lack of connection to anything or anyone we hold dear.

24. What is your favorite occupation?

Writer. I get to create puzzles and have people solve them, but I don’t recommend writing for mental or physical health lol.

25. What is your most marked characteristic?

I asked a close friend what this might be and she said my smile.

26.What do you most value in your friends?

Their loyalty. My two oldest friends have been around for 35 years so that says something about friendship. They are the brothers I never had. True friendship I value very highly.

27. Who are your favorite writers?

So many! But a short list: Borges, Kafka, Burroughs, Acker, Nin, Bolano, Nabokov, Akutagawa...There are many others, but one of the most daring writers I know right now is Will Bernadara Jr.

28. Who is your hero of fiction?

Joseph K. from the The Trial. His journey seems so close how many of us experience life, in other words lost, without answers.

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

The mysterious alchemist Fulcanelli whose true identity has never been ascertained. Working in secret, publishing two books, then disappearing.

30. Who are your heroes in real life?

Despite all their inherent flaws and the mistakes they’ve made, my parents. They taught me resilience, critical thinking and to take no shit from anyone.

31. What are your favorite names?

Madelaine, Aurora, and a whole series of made up names like Jimmy Sham and Rich Gaunchfield.

32. What is it that you most dislike?

Bad food. I’ve spoiled myself over the years.

33. What is your greatest regret?

Not finishing university the first time around and establishing myself in a solid career. That has caused me a lot of grief and hardship over the years.

34. How would you like to die?

I have a whole section about this in my book, The Threshold and the Key! No reveals here, read the book lol.

35. What is your motto?

Be unafraid of yourself.

Third Excerpt from Gitanes is up at Expat Press

"The top two imaginary, gory deaths of Javier Mansour begin with him being dragged into the canal behind his apartment building by an eleven foot alligator...."

CLICK HERE

Don't Let Your Keffiyeh Show @ The Times of Israel Blog

Don't Let your Keffiyeh Show is one of the earliest short stories I wrote. It was also my first short story to get published in print back in 2005. It was published at a little magazine from Detroit called STRUGGLE. The complete name of the magazine actually was: STRUGGLE: A Magazine of Proletarian Revolutionary Literature. It might still be around. (The website is still up) It was edited by a fellow named Tim Hall (not the indie writer). Back then the story was published under another name--The Existence of Nabil.
I couldn't believe it when I got the acceptance letter. I was so happy when the issue came out, and despite the editor misspelling my last name I showed it to everyone. My friends thought it was cool, but most of them weren't into reading or writing. One of them though, Sean Houser, did read the story and he congratulated me and he continued to read all the stuff I wrote and published. Sadly, Sean passed away not too long ago. So every time I see this story, I think about Sean and about the trippy chaos of the early 2000s. I also think about a little South Miami dive bar called Fox's Sherron Inn where I worked for about 2 1/2 years and where this story was truly born. Fox's is not around anymore, it closed in Summer 2015. I loved that place. I loved working there, and I loved everyone I met and I still remember them all, from the quirky line cooks, life hardened servers, and happy regulars to the owner George Andrews and his family. One of my fondest memories was the free jukebox that was right in front of the bathrooms, next to the busstand.
Eventually, around 2007 I ran into a website called MuslimWakeUp.com that didn't mind running previously published short fiction so I sent them the story. At MuslimWakeUp.com, a great editor and writer by the name of Patricia Dunn accepted it. She suggested changing the name of the story to Don't Let your Keffiyeh Show which I liked.   
Before that, the story had already made its way to my short story collection Ciao! Miami as The Existence of Nabil in 2007. 
Fast forward to now, the story is back at The Times of Israel Blog. A writer friend in California had recently read it and told me that he thought it was great, and I should send it out again. In addition to being a story born from my place of employment at the time, Don't Let Your Keffiyeh Show was also greatly inspired by an Anton Chekhov short story called The Dance Pianist, which was about a young musician that has a nervous breakdown at a high society party after a girl confuses him for a guest. 

Proust Questionnaire: Lindsay Lerman

Lindsay Lerman is a writer, translator, and has a Ph.D. in Philosophy from the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada. Her first novel, I'm from Nowhere, was named one of the Best Fiction Books of 2019 by Entropy Magazine. Published by CLASH Books, I'm from Nowhere "follows Claire as she mourns the sudden death of her husband...confronts a dying planet and an emerging sense of self." In addition to her writing, Lindsey is also an editor at the brand new Black Telephone Magazine. Her essays can be found at places like Medium, and The Los Angeles Review of Books.
-FZ-

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

I think that in the past I would’ve said something like “there is no perfect happiness,” but now, under quarantine… It’s a long boozy lunch with very good friends, a walk and a nap in the afternoon, and someone compelling keeping me up all night.

2. What is your greatest fear?

Seeing my kid suffer, knowing there’s nothing I can do to stop the suffering.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

My people-pleasing tendencies--the way I’ll contort myself to make others comfortable.



4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Inability or unwillingness to contort themselves to make others comfortable. And the more general or broad version of that: the certainty some people have that they are really at the center of the world, that their concerns are the only concerns.

5. Which living person do you most admire?

Living? That’s the hardest part. My editor and publisher (and friend) Leza Cantoral is pretty high up on the list--it’s like she’s incapable of dishonesty. Also my partner, Philippe, because he has the most finely tuned bullshit detector I’ve ever encountered--his vision is so clear.

6. What is your greatest extravagance?

Writing.

7. What is your current state of mind?

Approaching contentment and acceptance, with anxiety, fear, and grief hovering around the edges.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

In people who have been conditioned to be self-effacing, it’s humility. In people who have been conditioned to be self-aggrandizing and self-important--to assume the world is theirs--most of their expressions of virtue leave a bad taste in my mouth.

9. On what occasion do you lie?

When the truth will hurt too much.

10.What do you most dislike about your appearance?

I’m only dissatisfied with my corporeal form when I look into my own eyes in the mirror and can see that I haven’t been honest with myself. Otherwise, I’m resigned to being this body and I’m done with hating it. I’ve wasted so many years hating it.

11. Which living person do you most despise?

I can’t focus my hatred on individuals very well.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Patience and attention, because they are both expressions of care.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

The kind of self-possession that’s made possible by self-escape.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

I’m sorry.

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Words.

16. When and where were you happiest?

Simple happiness, uncomplicated happiness: Years ago, deep in Oak Creek Canyon near Sedona. Amber, Derek, Philippe, and I bought a jug of wine and a roast chicken and drove down from Flagstaff. We sat by the water, ate, drank, picked flowers for each other.

Harder happiness, more complicated: The first time I met my daughter, not knowing if either of us would live.

17. Which talent would you most like to have?

I danced as a child, but my family didn’t have the money or stability that would allow me to keep it up, after a certain point. I loved the intensity and the rigor of ballet, despite the more fucked-up aspects of it (the daily weigh-ins, the built-in classism and racism). I’d love to be a great dancer--all that strength and grace.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I’d find a little more joy in discipline.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Not hating myself all the time, understanding that as the first step towards liberation, and beginning to understand how to spread that liberation around--to share it.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

I’d like to come back as a tree.

21. Where would you most like to live?

I’m good here, in my living room, on the couch. I’ve lived a lot of different places, and there are things I miss about all of them, but I have no interest in living somewhere cool or special or whatever. That said, it would be pretty awesome to live somewhere with a social safety net.

22. What is your most treasured possession?

I don’t have one. I save a lot of things that don’t take up much space--notes and cards and many of my old notebooks--but I don’t have one single treasured possession. If someone gives me a meaningful gift, I’ll keep it in a drawer or next to the bed for a while--in a place of honor, I guess. But once the magic fades, the object finds its way back to the ordinary stuff locations.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Rolling over and playing dead to make it stop.

24. What is your favorite occupation?

Some combination of writing, reading, thinking, talking, listening. Usually that manifests as teaching.

25. What is your most marked characteristic?

I’d like to say it’s what some people have called my “quiet power,” but I think it’s actually my fast metabolism.

26.What do you most value in your friends?

Their kindness--there are so many different kinds of kindness.

27.Who are your favorite writers?

The ones who make me feel simultaneously ashamed and inspired.

28. Who is your hero of fiction?

The narrator in Clarice Lispector’s The Passion According to G.H.

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Hildegard von Bingen. The scholarship on her creation of music and theological writing as mystical expression of female desire is wild.

30. Who are your heroes in real life?

My kid.

31. What are your favorite names?

I don’t really have any. I find names so embarrassing sometimes.

32. What is it that you most dislike?

People who are stubbornly certain.

33. What is your greatest regret?

I usually regret falling in love--I fall like a body from a balcony--but I’ve stopped letting myself regret this. It’s a gift to be moved by other people. I only regret the times in my life when I’ve been unkind.

34. How would you like to die?

Either radically sober or supremely fucked up, on the edge of mystical vision.

35.What is your motto?

Exceed.

Proust Questionnaire: James Stelzer

James Stelzer is a writer and a vocalist who hails from a suburban British town that isn’t quite London. Outsider art fills him with hope (and some other emotions that are weird and deeply confusing). He has recent and upcoming work appearing in Expat Press, Soft Cartel, Misery Tourism, and loads of other cool places. He is also a Prose Reader for Random Sample Review. You should follow him on Twitter at @ABadIdeaMachine


1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

A life filled with peace, safety, and love (human and animal), punctuated by the regular of artistic creation.



2. What is your greatest fear?

Sudden, intense, inescapable physical pain.

Broken bones, eye-gouging, heart attacks.

That, and dying mediocre.



3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

I hold very, very deep grudges.

If I feel slighted, no matter how justly, I’ll often try to take it to the grave.

It’s not an attractive feature, and it has brought much sorrow to my life.

I used to be an unrepentant contrarian too, but then I grew up.



4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

The human instinct to form mobs against the ‘other’ of the day.

I hate that shit, and I hate that I’ve allowed myself to be drawn into them a handful of times.



5. Which living person do you most admire?

Patrick Kindlon (Self Defense Family / Drug Church / comics / podcasts / fucking everything)

He is the strangest, most prolifically fun motherfucker around.



6. What is your greatest extravagance?

I will celebrate my birthday for like a full month if given the chance.



7. What is your current state of mind?

Feeling good about how I’ve spent the first few months of 2020. I started a well-paid new job that I was totally unqualified for in January, which seems to be going pretty well. I’ve been reading more than ever, tearing through video games as if my thumbs are soon to fall off forever, and I’m finally getting into a good swing with my writing – after thinking about (but not really doing) it for almost two years. Hopefully the Rona won’t fuck it all up now.



8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

I can’t hear the phrase ‘speak truth to power’ without retching because it can be spun by almost anyone to mean almost anything. People whose whole personality revolves around ‘speaking truth to power’ tend to just be wildly unlikable.



9. On what occasion do you lie?

Sometimes when I’m out for dinner I’ll spend a little extra time when I’m done in the bathroom scrolling to take a break from all the social interaction – does that count?



10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?

My bottom teeth are absolutely fucked. I got braces when I was like 13 and for some reason I didn’t wear the retainers and now I have fucked teeth forever. That stereotype about British people having bad teeth? Absolutely spot on. I’d probably rather just dentures at this point to be honest.



11. Which living person do you most despise?

For the last 18 months or so I’ve been very keen to leave the majority of my beef in the past. I have a host of bitter enemies, and clinging on to the dull hatred I had for them didn’t make me happier or more productive, so why bother? If you’re reading this and I despise you, fuck it – consider this an olive branch. I’m sorry.



12. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Men with a proclivity for pushing aside their primitive compulsion for aggression and conflict usually win me over. If we’re at a gathering and I see you making snide remarks or looking at me funny the whole time, we’re not going to get along; if you come over with a spare beer and a smile, we’ll probably be friends for life.



13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

In my experience, women tend to be more loyal to themselves and the people they love - even when things are tough - than men are. That’s pretty dope.



14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

“Lit”



15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

My girlfriend, Maisie, is fucking great. We’ve been together for almost a year and a half and our lives together just keep getting easier. Having a companion really is lovely. Also, art. I started trying to make music about eight years ago and I’m finally getting pretty good at it. Same with writing – I was in a long period of stasis until around six months ago, where I just couldn’t bring myself to fucking finish anything. I feel like I’ve broken past that now.



16. When and where were you happiest?

I’m always happiest in the sun. I absolutely despise winter, it destroys me physically and mentally. So between April and September I feel like a completely different person. Letting my girlfriend put weird little tattoos in my skin is fun too. So is trying new versions of vegan junk food. Oh, also the dopamine hit I get when an art project I’m working on is going well is dope too.



17. Which talent would you most like to have?

I wish I could play guitar. I’ve tried to pick it up so many times, but I need structure, routine, and a good teacher to learn stuff like that. It’s never too late though. Hopefully when I have some savings I’ll buy another one and commit to some lessons (because every time I try to teach myself I give up after two weeks)



18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I was a very late bloomer. I’m nearly twenty-six and I’ve only just found myself on the right path. I wasted a lot of time getting here that I wish I could get back. I wasted a lot of time on being vaguely angry at everyone I met. I hope I don’t die young.



19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

My old screamo band played at Miss the Stars Fest in Berlin in 2016, and then played a week-long European tour that summer. A few of those shows were absolutely rammed, a few of the shows were empty, but I booked the whole thing myself, and the pride it generated in me will never leave me. Also, finishing University.



20. If you were to die and come back as a person 
or a thing, what would it be?

I would come back at the child of somebody very rich. I would be reborn again in 1994 (my actual birth year) so that I could re-experience / make the most of the rise of the internet while still missing out on the most catastrophic effects of climate change that future generations are doomed to experience.



21. Where would you most like to live?

A cheap, vibrant Eastern European city. My girlfriend and I went to Krakow and Budapest last year and both were stunning. I went to Linz in 2016 and that was also lovely. So somewhere like that. I like Berlin too, but really it’s probably too expensive at this stage of my life.



22. What is your most treasured possession?

My degree. An unbearably painful family event brought my latent mental illness to the forefront of my life, I had to retake a year, I worked nights at a cinema while I was studying to pay my way, and my Mum got and beat cancer. I spent at least 80% that time period wishing that I could just drop dead. That shit took so much time, money, and mental strain that I still can’t believe I finished it. The process helped me mine out the diamond in me. I am dying to go back for a Master’s when I can.



23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

I’ve been there multiple times and I’m not going back. I’m leaving that shit in my early twenties. The depth of misery is buried in the earth of the past.



24. What is your favorite occupation?

Recording music with my friends, hanging out with my girlfriend, playing cute little Metroidvanias on my Switch, writing stories and poems that remind me of Futurama.



25. What is your most marked characteristic?

I am both lanky and clumsy – a deadly combination.



26. What do you most value in your friends?

The ability to cut through all of life’s bullshit and just enjoy yourself. Some of my favorite friends are the ones I have next to nothing in common with because we don’t get stuck on any of the petty shit life throws at us – we just have a laugh.



27. Who are your favorite writers?

Philip K. Dick and Kurt Vonnegut - duh! Douglas Coupland too.

In terms of indie literature, I’m still very new to this world. However, I’ve been really enjoying pretty much all the work posted on Misery Tourism since I discovered the site in December. William (the editor) has a great eye for dark shit, and for me the site is thematically perfect – right down to the MS Paint art accompanying every piece. Will wrote a stupid listicle for the site called ‘5 Places I See Every Day (Where I Would Love To Hang Myself)’ with photos and everything, and reading that sold me instantly on the site.


Also, I’ve been really enjoying the work put out by Expat Press recently, and have particularly enjoyed the Plague Readings that they’ve been hosting during the Corona panic. That whole set up is really nice, and everyone who’s participated in them is an excellent writer and an excellent person.



28. Who is your hero of fiction?

I tried to answer this but I can’t. Most of the characters I resonate with aren’t really heroes at all. That’s not a great sign, is it?



29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Borat.



30. Who are your heroes in real life?

My grandad. Sadly, he died when I was thirteen, just when I was on the cusp of being able to know him in any real, adult sense of the world. He grew up in Nazi Germany, and was captured as a prisoner of war by the Americans when he was like, 17, before being shipped to England. I have so many questions that he’ll never be able to answer. He was always so good to me though. I love and miss him dearly.



31. What are your favorite names?

Kurt. Amelia. RoboCop.



32. What is it that you most dislike?

Hysteria and purposeful cruelty.



33. What is your greatest regret?

Allowing my hatred of the world to rule my late teens and early twenties. I wish I’d known better. I also wish I’d known to avoid many of the people that my gut told me to be wary of, who later came back to haunt me because I ignored the red flags.



34. How would you like to die?

Peacefully, in my sleep, unbeknownst to me.



35. What is your motto?

Do For Self.

Proust Questionnaire: O.F. Cieri

O.F. Cieri hails from NYC. Her first book, Lord of Thundertown, was published by NineStar Press. You can find her short stories/essays/reviews at such places like Expat Press and Misery Tourism.

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?


I don't believe perfect happiness doesn't come from one place. Or, alternatively, maybe perfect happiness for me is the joy of experiencing as many perfect moments as possible.



2. What is your greatest fear?

Oblivion



3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Anxiety



4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?


Inflexibility



5. Which living person do you most admire?

Belle Delphine



6. What is your greatest extravagance?

I have a copy of Volume II of Buffon's Natural Historie from 1735 with the plates intact. It's the rarest piece in my collection.



7. What is your current state of mind?

Today I've been thinking a lot of how Victor Hugo described a siege as having stretches of quiet mundanity, even while shells are actively firing.



8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Iconoclasty



9. On what occasion do you lie?

To deflect



10.What do you most dislike about your appearance?

My cheeks



11. Which living person do you most despise?

This girl I used to work with who's on a fast track to being an unhappy housewife



12. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Dumb as rocks



13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

I fucking love funny women



14.Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

"Fucks' sake"



15.What or who is the greatest love of your life?

I really love my wife, she got mad at me last night for saying I might have to return to work and while she was crying she shouted "We can't fucking die, we have so much work to do."

There's no irony to speak of here.



16. When and where were you happiest?

I went to a festival in 2018 that drew half of New York, and spent a weekend running around an unfamiliar city with everyone I knew.



17. Which talent would you most like to have?

Acrobats look like they're having so much fun



18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Less anxious



19.What do you consider your greatest achievement?

I've done some cool things in my life, but I don't think of them as my 'greatest achievement'. I wrote a book, but that's just the first one.



20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

I want to be a person and do it again



21.Where would you most like to live?

London? Mexico? New Orleans? California? Philly? I'm happy at home, but I'm curious to try something different.



22. What is your most treasured possession?

A Sikhote-Alin meteorite



23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Refusing to change. Humans can survive so much that there comes a point when the sunk cost fallacy becomes a choice.



24. What is your favorite occupation?

Antiques. I'd give anything to sell dead people's furniture.



25. What is your most marked characteristic?

I've been told I'm very loud.



26. What do you most value in your friends?

Aggression



27. Who are your favorite writers?

Victor LaValle, J.G. Ballard, David Wong, William S. Burroughs


28. Who is your hero of fiction?

Boris Pavlovsky from the Goldfinch



29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

All I can think of is that I once read Gerard Nerval did his best writing while walking.



30. Who are your heroes in real life?

Real hustlers



31.What are your favorite names?

Drag names



32. What is it that you most dislike?

artificial flavors



33. What is your greatest regret?

Not publishing earlier.



34. How would you like to die?

Painlessly, willingly



35. What is your motto?

"Your liberty to swing your fist ends just where my nose begins."

Proust Questionnaire: D.C. Wojciech

D.C. Wojciech wasn’t supposed to be here today. Shout out to Dante Hicks. When he was just 2 years old, D.C. drowned in a bathtub. After waking up in the ICU sometime later, he made the decision then & there to become a poet, or die trying.

Those who love him, love him. And those who know him, know him. Those who know & love him receive cherries on their proverbial cakes and turmeric in their proverbial tea. Those who do not know or love him are probably sexing with their shoe laces tied too tight.


The Longest Breath is D.C.’s first poetry collection, and is due for release via Anvil Tongue Books, on April 20th, 2020. This collection is aptly subtitled: Lost Notebooks (circa 2005-2015). The poems are gleaned from once lost notebooks from that time period. The manuscript was compiled, edited & completed over the course of the first few months of 2020, while D.C. was lucidly dreaming his way back to Citrus Heights, Sacramento, California, where it all began…

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

A plate of pierogies with sautéed onions and horseradish.

2. What is your greatest fear?

Lacking something when it’s needed.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Being hella introverted.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Ignorance of the self, which is typically projected out onto others.

5. Which living person do you most admire?

My sister.

6. What is your greatest extravagance?

I have a red robe that I wear after showering, brushing my teeth and such. It really makes me feel alive almost like a holy man when I wear it!

7. What is your current state of mind?

Just before opening this, I was thinking how incredibly lucky one has to be, or more precisely how incredibly lucky I have been to be living on this Earth in this realm as a human being. Sometimes it seems as if all the universal forces at work almost conspire to my advantage, to like you know, breathe a single breath, to blink the eyes, or move the legs, or like walk down the street without being hit by a bus, or to be born at all.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Faith. Maybe not necessarily overrated, but one that many have gotten twisted, and generally ass-backwards in their approach to it.

9. On what occasion do you lie?

I try my best not to lie to anyone other than whoever is paying.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?

My mouth. I contemplate duct taping my mouth shut when going out in public from time to time.

11. Which living person do you most despise?

I don’t necessarily despise one person over another. Everyone is capable of being a decent human being, and everyone is equally capable of being a monster. James Baldwin said we essentially make these choices every moment of every day of our lives. To choose courage, or trust, or love, or honor, or joy, or resilience. Or to choose their opposites. These are not just words, you know?

Sometimes the decision lasts a day, an hour, a simple interaction, other times it lasts a life time, generations even. With this in mind, I suppose I should either despise everyone all at once, or despise no one at all. What do you think?

Also, fuck the judge.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Kindness.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Sincerity.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Alright, All ways, Cheers

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

I’ve got this book coming out in April…

16. When and where were you happiest?

Summer ’10, maybe. Vallejo, CA. My apartment at that time had this little patio area and I could sit on that patio and smoke and write poems with a clock radio playing the local jazz station all night and all day. This was also one of the saddest times although I only say this to say that often times great happiness indicates great sorrow as well, there’s no escaping it. Duality. What can we do?

17. Which talent would you most like to have?

I would love to be good at making candles.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

How nice it would be if I didn’t hear voices. But then again, who else could I be?

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Being. Staying with my work, learning to love it.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?


An oak tree.

21. Where would you most like to live?


I would like to live in Poland. I read some Paul Bowels while he was living in Morocco, I believe. That sounded like a fine place as well. Or maybe back to Vallejo. On Redwood St. to be exact.

22. What is your most treasured possession?

I have a little wooden owl on my desk that someone was going to make into a kind of piggy bank, but stopped. So, it’s got the coin slot almost there, and now it sits on my desk and watches my work.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?


Being habitually unkind towards others. Being habitually unkind towards oneself.

24. What is your favorite occupation?


Listening to trees. Kissing. Watching the sun rise.

25. What is your most marked characteristic?


I make a good sandwich, and can make/throw good snowballs.

26. What do you most value in your friends?

Humor. Acceptance. Love. Care.

27. Who are your favorite writers?

Right now on my desk are copies of Pizarnik’s Extracting the Stone of Madness and Lew Welch’s Ring of Bone. These two are my favorites (for now).

28. Who is your hero of fiction?

Japhy Ryder. Arjuna. Silent Bob.

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

The woman who accidentally created the chocolate chip.

30. Who are your heroes in real life?

Anyone who has made a burden lighter, for themselves or another person.

31. What are your favorite names?


My favorite names are the ones Bart Simpson would call Moe to ask if they are around. Hugh Jass…or like Harry T. Esticles stand out but of course there are others. You know what I mean? Did you ever watch The Simpsons?

32. What is it that you most dislike?

Greed. Envy. Fear as a prevalent sequitur in decision making.

33. What is your greatest regret?

I recently killed a houseplant. It was a fern. I don’t know what to do with the bowl thingy it was in. Its stump is just sitting there in the soil now. I regret not caring for it, watering it more than I did.

34. How would you like to die?


Painless, if at all possible. Perhaps in my sleep, without any warning. Otherwise, if there is indeed a comet on its way to Earth, I would like for it to strike me first, while standing beneath the stars on a clear night, reading my poems and sipping turmeric and ginger tea.

35. What is your motto?


When I was living in a halfway house some years ago, I had a friend named Hajj who would remind me to “stand on your square.” I give thanks for that man as often as possible, because he really clued me into some things. Over the years I’ve kind of adopted that and put my own spin on it, and it has become as close to a motto as I’ve gotten these days: “I am the master of my circumference.”